Happiness: it’s a personal thing. But the thing is, we all depend on each other for something in life. For laughs, for smiles, for hugs, for favors, and for lessons. While closing off the toxic is so important, it’s important to embrace the ones who make us smile. Learning to not question those who are going to be there for you no matter what. Learning to let your guard down and let people in. Letting yourself be vulnerable. Embracing your hurricane. I love my hurricane you guys. Showing your humanity to those who care: that’s the cool thing. Being scared is my favorite. I’m scared every day but I embrace my fears and attack most of them head on. And I hug the things that make me happy. If I shower you with light and you run away, you better believe I’m going to shine my light brighter. This past week without my car taught me a thing or two more about myself and others. It left me feeling open and violated. It took away my control. But it also gave me the opportunity to be more grateful, to forgive more, and to open up more. It reminded me that I’m human. It reminded me that I will make mistakes every damn day. But it showed me that at the end of the day, people are both good and bad. It showed me that my heart is my heart.
I’m fueled by so much and you know what? Things and money can help with happiness. I don’t care what you say. The first thing I looked for when I got my car back were my spikes. All I wanted to know were if my spikes were in my car because I wanted to be able to train and race on Tuesday night. Crazy? Maybe. But following my heart and doing what I love is also happiness. I really didn’t need or want to buy another pair. But I would have. Running is so important to me.
Those who took my car rattled me this week. They really did. I did a decent job of hiding it until I didn’t. Then it all came crashing down on me. I was a little manic but I played it off like my usual self and then I lost it. But then my car was found and I can tell you, those $8 spikes that I picked up at Ross a few years ago that are helping me do something I love, that I was so afraid would be gone and I wouldn’t get a replacement pair before the track series here ended.. that took away some of my peace of mind. That was not happiness. I didn’t do a race Friday because of the rattledness.
The second thing I looked for was my giant swim bag. Because that’s the Yin to my Yang. It was there. Second breath. The rest of my “stuff?” I fiddled through. Noted it was all there that I could tell. At least from what I could see the important things that I used regularly were all visible, including a blanket of all my memories over the years.
The third thing I checked for was a bracelet that I keep hanging from my rearview mirror. It’s really not worth much but it’s sentimental value is great. It’s a beaded bracelet that I got in Turkey when I was 15 of the Evil Eye. It’s important to me. It was there. Happiness. Or is that joy? Or what is it? It’s just one of those little things that bring life together.
While some things could be replaced from my stolen car, there were memories that couldn’t be.
This past week taught me that those memories could have become memories forever and that I am so very fortunate to have amazing friends and family surrounding me to make me laugh and smile and remind me of me.
I didn’t lose my happiness through this. I didn’t lose my smile. My joy never left. But my peace of mind was altered. I was off balance. And that happens. It makes my storm that much stronger.
But really, I know I’m a freaking natural disaster. Hurricane is my specialty. I was nearly a Category 4 this past week but my winds have calms and so have the seas. You guys really only saw the eye of it. And I truly am grateful for all the amazing people in my world. And for running. And for having my car back. And for the really awesome people detailing my car and fixing my window that is mechanically broken [not shattered]. And for the homemade gluten free biscuits I made. My crazy rambles.
And for new beginnings.