Don’t be Nasty: Body Shaming has to stop.

She looks nasty.
Her?
Yeah, she look nasty!
Gah, don’t be such a bitch. Show some respect.
I turn around and look to clarify what I really was in shock was just said…about me…
YEAH YOU!!
Me: Show some self respect!
And I kept running.

Yeah. That happened.
A woman actually interrupted herself as she walked with a guy who could have been her brother or boyfriend or just friend to point out that I looked nasty as I ran by her on Saturday morning. No filter and she made sure to say it loud enough so everyone around could hear. It was a gorgeous morning and families were out walking. Calm, birds chirping, bikes and cars going by, quiet conversations. Except for that moment. The only part of me she saw was my backside.

Y’all, I run hard and train hard hard for that booty. If my butt is nasty, AWESOME.

So let that soak in.
Let it simmer.
Hold it close.
And let it piss you off.

Because if body shaming and women hating on other women doesn’t disgust you and infuriate you and make you want to punch something, you and I need to have a moment. This isn’t just about me. This is about all of us.
I have said I will call those out who are terrible people. But I’m not here to put anyone on blast. I hope to do it in a way that continues to lift and helps inspire us all to grow and learn and come together.

Someone stepped into my happy space and tried to destroy is because of their own insecurities. And before anyone jumps in and assumes anything about the appearance of this woman: No, she wasn’t a size you are going to assume.

And before you jump on me for what I was wearing because I know it crossed your mind because it always does: SUCK IT. Don’t you dare shame me either.
There is absolutely NO room for body shaming or woman on woman hate anywhere, anytime, EVER.


I may have funneled the energy from the fire she lit to fuel my intervals. I let that flame push me through my speedwork. But it wasn’t until I was doing my cooldown that it hit me and once again I started crying on my run. The second day in a row I cried on a run. Because it just sucks that these things happen. I didn’t take it to heart that I looked nasty, I took it to heart that a woman felt she had to hate on me to make herself feel better.

That freaking sucks.
Why are women such terrible people to each other?
Why are people so shitty to each other?
What gives us the right to do that to each other?

We all have insecurities.
We all don’t love parts of our own bodies and honestly, it’s really not men that make us dislike those parts more.
It’s other women.
A woman tried to tear apart the First Lady for not showing herself on her social media even though she’s a former model. I may have my opinions about about politics, but leave that woman alone. Leave a woman’s body alone. No one has the right to do that. This isn’t just about a woman calling me nasty. It’s about everyone.
I’m allowed to call my glutes nasty when it comes to how knotted up they are but you don’t get to be a jerk and call my body nasty because of how it looks.
There are those who are major creeps with their compliments and catcalls but it’s been women who have been the worst when it comes to messing with my head about my body. There are so many who will lift you, but there is always that bad seed who will lurk and take you down. Don’t let her. Fight those thoughts.
I’ve said it in posts before. We are all beautiful powerful creatures. Let’s use our power for good.
Women can destroy another by giving another woman just the slightest glance passing in a department store. That breaks my heart.
A woman called me rude and said I’m verbally violent for wanting to defend a woman’s right to not have her body shamed. I walked away from that argument before I lost it. She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t know my heart.

For once, it’s not men who are the assholes when it comes to helping women with body image, it’s other women.
We are the assholes.

Lately I’ve been struggling with some body issues of my own because of how my body has been reacting to food I eat. The cleanest meals, healthiest meals on my menu still take the opportunity to my body bloat sometimes.
But has that stopped me from running in what I’m comfortable running in?
NO.
Do I actually look the way I feel?
NO.
Has that stopped me from encouraging women everywhere to find their comfort?
NO.
Should judgmental people stop you from doing you?
NEVER.
Should YOU stop you from doing you?
HELL NO.
Should you stand up to women who hate on other women?
Kind of. …Here’s where it get’s tricky…

As I said in my post the other day, another women’s insecurities are not mine nor should they be yours.
The hard part of women shaming other women and talking about others behind their back and us not supporting one another has a lot to do with what’s going on with the person doing the name calling and shaming. The way we react is important too. We have the chance to build someone back up with our reactions. I could have told the lady off. I could have gotten more fired up toward the woman who was nasty to me, but I know who I am, I know what I look like. I know what each stride looks like. I know skin and muscle moves. I know she may not understand my body, but I do. I also respect myself and I respect my body. I want her to respect herself.

Normally I would have completely ignored a comment but this time a woman said something to me while running, so I had to confirm. Curiosity got to me. She really did call me out and shame me for all to hear, which was her right to speak freely, but it was just flat out wrong and mean. Younger me would have fought with fighting words right there. Today’s me, knew otherwise. It wasn’t me she was lashing out against. I couldn’t take that one personally in that way.

While I may have used my social media to bring up the topic, it was for a purpose. There’s always a purpose.
We have to continue to lift each other.
In this industry.
Out of this industry.
Everywhere.

Some of the responses to my posts were:
“goals!”
“Boggles my mind how some people’s idea of ‘fun’ is saying mean things to strangers”
“4+ classes of barre plus running have given me an amazing booty & legs – if you don’t wanna work hard for your own you don’t get to hate on mine! ”
“Ppl who talk behind your back are where they are suppose to be. Behind you!”
“What is WRONG with us as women?!!! Geez how about kindness and building each other up!!!”
“Body shaming has to stop….This applies to us all, and especially when exercising, in public, and if food is involved.”
“Hey!…I love what you stand for. Can’t tell you how many times I hear negative comments when I’m running…”

So. Where does this lead us to?

We are here and have the opportunity to show younger generations how to do it better. We have the opportunity to wipe away the bad. We have the opportunity to destroy the unnecessary sexualization of women and bring women and men and boys and girls back together to coexist again.
But we can’t do that until we, as women, can coexist without being jerks to each other all the time.
Boys won’t stop being crude jerks to women until women stop being jerks to other women.
I swam, ran, danced, and participated in activities growing up that were co-ed. I grew up with a strong sense of self because I spent time on teams that included boys and not JUST girls. I also spent time with just girls.
And the girls were meaner than the boys because I was different. The girls often sucked because I was different. They also sucked to other girls on the team who were more different than me. The guys let the tomboy me hang out and just be me with less judgement. I’m not schooled in child and adolescent psychology but we all know it’s hell for kids and it’s often because of the feeling of being threatened.

And you know what, we still do that. Apparently, we still threaten each other by just being ourselves. Instead of supporting each other for being who we are, we love to find ways tear each other down, even strangers. And it’s so toxic to our growth.

I’ve been out with guy friends and they don’t understand the hate girls give each other with just one look. The flame that burns in their eyes to another female for just existing is something that even I don’t understand. My reaction to those moments is pure frustration. Because I don’t understand it either. RBF exists but there’s a difference between that and when you know a girl is burning you with her eyes. Every time. Why do we do that? Why are we so cruel?
I am not perfect. I may get frustrated with others but usually those frustrations are with how those women are treating others. Usually I’m concocting ways to try to help someone and when I catch myself being an asshole I call myself out for it or someone does it for me. especially if my intentions are misunderstood.

But usually my frustrations are with myself.
They are always with myself
If I ever project anything but good out, it’s a problem with me: NOT you.
Do you guys ever notice when I pull away?
I’m probably working through something so I don’t hurt anyone in the process.
Because I know me.

So here’s a new challenge for all of us:
Let’s SMASH those nasty habits.
Let’s start SMASHING those doubts.
Let’s start SMASHING fears.
And in the process, help others SMASH their doubts and fears and insecurities by building each other up.
And start asking questions.
Let’s start talking to each other. Let’s actually have a conversation about this.
I can post all day but until we actually talk face to face.
Until we get away from our screens and ask the women struggling, the mentality won’t shift.

We are all different.
But we are all the same.
Underneath our badass exteriors are soft squishy amazing hearts that need to be supercharged by more than just our own thoughts to make a mindset change global.

We are more than this.
We have to start showing it.

 

4 Comments

  1. Hi Asheton,

    This is an incredibly powerful post; I read each and every word, all the way through. I’m so sorry that that happened to you, but I commend you for your strength in sharing it and helping others through your experience. Thank you so much for sharing.

    “We are more than this.
    We have to start showing it.”

    You are so right.

  2. Beautifully written. It baffles me how women can tear each other down. In a world where women fight for equality, we should be lifting each other, helping each other, and encouraging each other to be the best.
    Thank you for sharing this! Body shaming is real and it needs to end.

  3. Jay

    Men do the same thing to one another also. Sometimes I avoid going into the gym knowing I am heavier and the guys in there are all ripped. I’ll wear long loose fitting shirts so my stomach doesn’t show as much. Its tough for everyone, body shaming is bad across the board.

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